vodkasauce

Two whole months without blogging.
How did i do it?!

It was fairly simple actually, go overseas for three weeks. i think it was the backpackers that did it to me. Seriously. Being around travellers all day, all weekend tends to make you develop itchy feet. Now that ive been away, my feet are no less itchy than they were to begin with. I still have more terrain to conquer.

Bali with Ev was pretty ace. Nice and cruisy. Thailand with the family was a bitch though. Absolutely shithouse holiday - i think it could have been better depending on who i had been travelling with. Those who know me would know my family arent my favourite people at the best of times.

Alas, i returned in one piece and now im sick. In between there was a whole bunch of hoo hah in regards to general relationship situational unhappiness, but that's solved. timing is the key to these things.

Life is good.
Still fat, would be rectifying that if i were not dying of the plague.
my time will soon come.

pretty addicted to the office.
US version. I will attack the UK version when i am through.

bloggity blog blog.

don't ya hateit when youre bursting to say something (like ily) but not sure if its right, or wrong, or upside down?
I JUST WANT TO BE ABLE TO SAY IT FREELYYYYY

im just that kind of person.

Allowed to be unhappy. Why do i do the pent up thing? I think i know why.. it's because when the issue happens yes i do bring it up, but it doesn't get discussed or sorted as much as i want, but rather a discussion, then a little arguing, then me saying 'okay, its okay. its totally fine now'. then i realise a few days later that it really isn't okay and that i still feel horrible about it. 

i retract all previous statements.

Contemplation for the week:

braindead

I'm a little bit of a blog whore.
yes - I am admitting it.

But seriously.. why put my thoughts in one place where people can read them in date order and have the ability to search through them and jump back and forth between my innermost thoughts? Makes much more sense to relay the thoughts as they are arranged in my head - scrambled, nonsensical and absolutely jumbled to the point of not understanding. This is where the three blogs come in. They all say different things that all mean the same I suppose. I might post here, then post on another one in the space of an hour. A lot can happen in an hour. I could watch half a movie, earn $18 at work and travel from here to south of the river (although god knows why I would want to do that!).

Hangovers are interesting. They're so uncomfortable - why do we put ourselves through a day of torture for four hours of stumbling around assuming every thinks you're as sexy as your intoxicated confidence tells you you are. Its a social tradition to go out and get smashed on the weekend, in celebration - hell! it's an aussie tradition to do it at any time of the day. If you're a teenager, its just what you do. Society needs to change its shoes more often to be honest.

That way the streets wouldn't smell like feet.

Here are a random list of things I like:
acrylic nails, heavy music that still has a melody, frozen coke and bourbon, pressing the buttons on eftpos machines, the smell of petrol, drinking so much water that i have to pee every 3 minutes, the idea of being impregnanted and womanly, baking, small children that give me cookies, pleats, magic, intelligent people, earning/making/finding ways to make money, the [only] boy, heavy white gold jewlery, the smell of coffee beans, rocky road that has been frozen, squishing my toes in a plastic bag of moisturiser, stationary, neat stacks of stapled paper and back, neck and shoulder massages.

oh! and cranberry fruit slushies!

i like electroPOP

For a hostel, there are a hell of a lot of children around today. usually im a big fan of the small person variety, but today they’re just shitting me off.

Hm. Its unusual because usually we deal with drunken backpackers who are here to drink around Australia. Although, the Crown isn’t really like a backpackers at all. Its almost like a small apartment building. Seriously, if this place were full of double rooms with ensuites i would totally live here. The suede couches and stainless steel kitchen are too pro for a backpackers - were the elite backpackers.

In all honesty, i HATE the hospitality industry. I do not work to serve people, contrary to what they may believe. But this job does pay well, despite the shitty weekend hours and sleazy backpackers i have to deal with on a weekly basis. When i do my backpacking tour, the second i start acting like one of the few that shit me, i will be on the first plane home.

Speaking of, i think ill start my trip by backpacking around Aus. Why go elsewhere when you haven’t even see what’s in your own backyard? It just doesn’t make sense. The plan is to head up the west coast, through the coastal towns - Shark bay, Kalbarri, Exmouth - maybe spend a bit of time in Exmouth swimming with the whale sharks. Then i think i’ll trek across to Karijini - the oldest place on earth. if the photos are anything to go by it is the most spectactular place. from there i guess i’ll head up to Broome and Darwin, trekking along the Kimberly, come back down through Alice Springs and South Australia, across to Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane and Cairns.

I reckon i could string that out for 2 months. Christmas break one year. Maybe between second year and third year. I will definitely need a chillout break before going into third year, a 10 week secondment and a 10, 000 word thesis paper on why i love actors so much = -_- .

Evan told me i should start a blog when i’m bored at work. Amusingly enough, a few days prior i had done just that. So i told him i already had one he didn’t know about. He’s a good boy. He’s stupid some of the time, but occasionally he does say things that make me wanna squeeze him that little bit tighter and not let go. It’s really tough this time around working out where the boundaries are. But i suppose i can get over that. He’s taking me dress and shoe shopping tomorrow… that more than makes up for it!

So, its 4.53pm. Ive been here since 8.30am. 5.5hours to go until home time and sleep. This weekend shift is an ass of a thing, but i did have a day off yesterday. Pointless day off it was though. My migraines seem to come at the most inopportune of times. I had all these massive plans for yesterday afternoon and they all equated to diddly squat. Now i have a 15 page (approx. 4000 word) report to write in 2 days for tuesday morning and i just can’t seem to get the words out. That was the purpose for this post. I figured if i got the creative juices flowing and rambled like a mother trucker and then sort of weaved it in to talking about management practices and intrinsic motivation vs. extrinsic motivation i might be able to write something coherent that will get me a pass in what has to be THE most boring class ever.

wow. long sentence. remind me not to do that when i start writing my report - we all know how aine hates that.

my nipple piercing is tingling. its almost like spidey sense, but sexier.
in the words of my boob crazed boyfriend… ‘niiice’.

back to the horrors of management.

I like words. They’re fun to play with. Rearrange. Create meaning with. I’m a big fan of the word catalyst at the moment.

catalyst:

inspiring change, creating reaction - sounds like fun.

Now time for something coherent.

Uni is busy, amazingly busy. Assignment after assignment seems to hit me and it doesn’t look like letting up until exams are over on the 13th. Studying at WAAPA is more average than i expected, but what did i think was going to happen? A large halo appearing over the top of my head? Psht. But, it doesn’t take away from the fact that i’m doing exactly what i want to be doing. Arts Management seems to be exactly what i’m headed towards. Not sure about how steady my hand is at finance, but i can always pay someone to do that for me i suppose.

Disappointment is frustrating. My first weekend day off in god knows how long. I gave so much notice, so many times i double checked everything was okay and now look. Its said friday night and I am sitting on my butt being alone. Is anyone going out tonight?! I just want to go dance and drink and have fun. Minus the drink spiking events from last weekend.

So tired. Well. This has been an eventful night… not. Yay for another 5 weeks without a weekend off.

I think i’ll go to sleep now.

eagerly anticipating balinese heaven.
eagerly anticipating.

looking at the intricate lines of my index finger i can see the smudged remains of my eyeliner sitting there, laid to rest by my last attempts to remove the memory of last nights events.

it would almost be poetic if it weren't so damn annoying.

the last few weeks have been a trial. difficulties come and go in the form of 'life experiences', and ive found i don't care for these much. i understand life is not meant to be easy, but turning you on your ass and allowing everything to get slowly more shithouse over the course of a few weeks is just not fair. but they also said life wasn't fair, didn't they? damn. they've covered all bases - damn nazi's.

now, this is not by any means a 'woe is me' type rant outlining the reasons why my life sucks to the uninterested public domain of the internet (although im pretty sure current circumstances would almost merit one of those), but rather, a strange collection of thoughts, decisions and curiosities that have arisen over the last few 'troubling' weeks.

1. im fairly sure i know wayyy to much about coffee to be sane. and i've only been at that place for 6, almost 7 months. i pity the poor souls coming up on 2 years. who gives a shit about the colour of the goddamn cremour on a long black and whether or not the coffee will be bitter? bastard customers can have whatever comes to them. lol.

2. the idea of retail - i hate it. public service at its worse. especially at christmas time when everyone has realised that theyve all been to lazy to shop in advance for those 'essential' christmas items and feel the need to all come to the shops at once, simple to be difficult, and its tradition. then you also have to look at the level of materialism happening over christmas. this attitude could also be attributed to the fact that i am myself too poor to buy presents, and not to the fact that i believe material items are the devils playground. haha.

3. not being able to have what you want. this one is selfish child syndrome to the point of extreme. being torn from something you know and love so much, and then not being able to have it back? that kills. my attempts to readjust to my current situation keep being thwarted by that horrible thing called 'let's be friends'. isn't there some kind of allowed time for either party to come to terms with the situation they don't like? i know that i don't come to terms very well with being denied something i want so bad, surely there is to be a compensation period?

the word blog sounds funny. almost like toilet humour.
x

today I chose to go to work.

today I chose to get annoyed by small children

today I chose to change my mind again

today I chose to get angry at the man who stole my parking spot

today I chose to have a healthy lunch

today I chose to fall in love with him all over again

today I chose to make peace

today I chose to make my own decisions.